Dear Mother, Noble Tara,
Day after day I bring my experience of grief and disappointment to you and yet here I am today with another heavy load of suffering in my way. I have given myself to you, given my life to you, believed that there would be a lessening of these poisonous habits within my mindstream and yet this morning I am here again sitting on top of alot of petty thoughts and angry restless feelings. How can I continue with this tenacious deep rut of hatred blocking my heart. I try to catch the reactions before they fly out as judgments. I am feeling quite down about this. Even shameful that I haven't been able to dislodge these poisons.
Would you please show me what I need to do with this suffering so that it will be cleared and I can have all the joy in my heart available to serve other and have the experience of my true nature arise?
My beloved Tara, these thoughts and habits you are claiming to be yours are actually where the problem is in your thinking. These are not your thoughts; but you do take on the suffering that others pollute the earth with. When you are in company of people who are unconscious it is like a plague of suffering that is carried from one person to the next. As you sit in that field your activity clears the field and now you have brought that field to the Great Mother. This is how you do it over and over. The contamination that occurs is not because you have created it but that you have actually lifted it from others. Working in the world is quite difficult for you when you are open and sensitive and passionate about loving. Look at your heart and it's incredible desire for love and the holding of your grandchildren yesterday and then the dismay at the poisoned unconscious mindstream of their mother. This was difficult for you and you tried to lift it. You have come away with the disease that was present in the experience of your visit yesterday. That is the simple way of stating it.
When you identify with the feelings that are present, then you also will suffer. And so what is to learn here is to watch the habit of identification with the experience. Joy and delight are yours truly.. The place of awareness grows in the interactions with those lost in the world of suffering, grasping/rejection of experience. You don't have to open and be as vulnerable to these beings and the outcome will be the rsame, their fields will be lifted. Remember this. It is the same with J. She does not need what she asks for from you; and saying no is not a wrong answer. Allow yourself to be guided by your instinct in all situations and do not return with your critical mind and take on the identification of form/role/ etc.