Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Being Aware of My Faults

Being Aware of My Faults

Sitting after reading the chapter on patience, written by Shantideva and elucidated upon by Pema Chodron in "No Time to Lose", I am again called to reflect on my own subtle squashing of a student while going over the text this morning.

There are so many ways to dominate ; I see my own faults or propensities for misuse of this situation of being one who is looked to for teachings. Yuck, again and again, as the subtle but deadly uses of power are revealed. OK, get up and keep on going, is the message. Do Not to get mired in guilt but recognize this tendency and also see that she, 'the student' is actually doing quite well and is quite happy with her study and reflection of these wonderful teachings coming from the text.

It is so true that were this opportunity to fumble and trip not available, then there would never be this awareness of these inclinations. I am also holding the parenting, the conditioning that came from my own childhood as these thieves of the heart arise. It is my heart that remains so closed and the ego's stance of being separate, that again arises to my awareness when these habits occur mindlessly.

Never can there be satisfaction taken from this position, as it was never possible to take it from being a parent. I am again and again aware of the faults of ignorance and the presence of separation in my mindstream still running the show.

So, being honest and true to the moment, let me venerate the one who allows this to be seen, Shantideva, and the one who sits as the student who alas is the buddha in my midst! I bow to the one who bows to the teacher and I remind myself that it is myself that is the student, the receiver of great light from these morning sessions. Why do I take any thing other than the Truth? Let me sit in humble posture before the situations that continue to shed light on these games of the egoic mind! and let me remember that in essence nothing has occurred, nothing is real, that this was but a dream! a dream arising and again dissolving from whence it came ----- the Mother of Compassion/Emptiness/Awareness.

With gratitude to the teachings and the teacher!

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