Well I guess I must have some shadowy stuff passing through today. I definitely feel irritable and cranky. I don't want any questions from J. I can feel myself stiffen each time she needs to get my attention for something that has just popped into her mind. I don't have a spacious temperament today, I guess. I want to remember to just allow this present me to be what she is without moving away from her---- shutting her down, fixing her, or correcting her with an antidote. Let this appearance, feeling, be as it is. Be accepting of this, too. Compassion abides no matter what without bias remember!
I always have the question when these feeling arise, "what did I do wrong". Well nothing is the answer....... Nothing, nothing. Just be patient and move with total presence through this too.
OK, it is an absolutely beautiful day, autumn is arriving, wind is blowing gently through the trees, some color is beginning in the leaves and here in my heart there is heaviness. I feel a kind of grief arising, a sadness of some sort. I think I might feel better if someone gentle and caring would put their hands on the front and back of my heart and just hold me and let me cry. I wonder about the celestial beings, if they might help me, as there is no one here that could give that to me in the physical.
Maybe there is some residue of being so solitary in my life that comes up from time to time. I don't usually think of it; but today perhaps, I would love for a friend to just have a good share with. Lots of release can come up when a connection like that happens. K was so good at that. We could just hang out and let it come up.