"How and where will next months rent come from?" I sit silent inside this question. This point, this moment, is all that I have. I am called back as I recognize this scenario this worry loop.
Next months rent is a mind loop that appears when the thought of future and what the future holds arises. I do sometimes have this fleeting anxiety arise, a fast beating panic experience right in the center of my chest. So this thought/question could lead to suffering if I were to play with it at all. The only answer that I can give the questioner is "I do not know", in fact I do not know anything beyond this point. I do not know what this afternoon is bringing. Each moment is so fresh and new.
This loopy thought habit, of next months rent, is like a phantom visiting me. Oh, it has visited me before in the past; but if hasn't much of a punch any more. I am remember the years of anxiety around paying mortgages, rents, earning enough money, spending too much money, and on and on.
I do not need to visit that realm any more though, I remind myself. This Moment is the house, the home I take refuge in. This is the refuge, just being here, now, with the experiences that are arising. There is no need to play with any future or story of rent; and it is even futile to do so. I call myself back to this point of fullness. I return my attention to awareness, in this moment, where every thing possible has been fulfilled for my body, my physical existence. Gratitude arises, as I drop into this palace of comfort and leisure to be here fully. A Moment of silence and spaciousness is here. Time to be inside the house of the moment!
Somewhere the rent got paid for this day. Somehow everything came together to build this home and some where the wood came into being from the trees for this furniture. Somewhere the fabrics arose in different parts of the world and put themselves together to clothe the wood frames and pillows. Somewhere chickens laid the eggs I ate for breakfast. Somehow the electricity got discovered for this moment and the water was found deep inside the earth for my shower. How could I become anxious when I see it is all a miracle dependent on so many actions and beings and plants and the beautiful Mother Earth herself, that I am even here today. I look in the mirror and see my mother's face looking back at me. How did all this come together for this moment to arise so magically.
I am in awe at the causes and conditions that have worked together to provide the splendor of this experience. The thought of this months rent is like a speck of dust now inside this view of abundance and care that has formed this moment in time and space. I bow down to the appearances of generosity and compassion that